you have, in your possession, a living, breathing, reality altering jo. who this jo may be does not matter, as long as they bear the characteristics and mannerisms of a jo. (see list of jos for more information.)
how you got said jo is ambiguous at best— maybe they were shipped over to your place without asking, or they somehow ended up traveling through space and time to your front door, or you picked one up at your local thrift store and thought it would make interesting decor. who knows at this point. bun wanted a jo and got them 11 years late, so if you happen to place an order for a jo, expect a rather lengthy shipping time, and a rather slow working jo in general. if you’re lucky, you can speed up the operation system of a jo with sugar, but only if you’re prepared to deal with a high, hyper, and very, very hysterical jo.
there are no easy ways here. you’re stuck.
naturally, you have to ask yourself the hard questions, like “why did curt just leave owen” and “why are there so many zoom memes when zoom has a two star app rating” and “what makes up a jo’s existence“ and “why am i even reading this”, in which case i strongly recommend contemplating your existence.
having had to deal with myself for the past who knows how long, i have complied the Starter Pack of Jo Things, in case you find yourself in need of it or with a jo.
in all cases, i feel for you.
your jo of choice is either suffering from a high metabolism or mild hypoglycemia. this means they either eat too much when they shouldn’t or eat too little when they really should or both, in the rarest case. for this we recommend preparing a snack budget and an intricate knowledge of where the discount gummies are in the grocery store. we do NOT recommend eating said snacks yourself, otherwise you’ll have to buy them all over again to keep your jo from fainting. (frubs learned that the hard way.) if successfully won, you can convince your jo to do various things in exchange for the sucrose, except probably wear pink.
noise cancelling headphones
most jos tend to either have very wonky senses or just do not like people and interaction, period. that’s where the headphones come in. merely place the device on your jo’s head and connect it to a steady playlist of calm music. (emphasis on calm. the day this jo made the mistake of playing hamilton on campus they were met with strange looks.) because of the inner isolation from society, your jo will mostly likely bob their head or tap their feet. it may look adorable, but it will never last long enough for a picture, so don’t even try.
this truly depends on the variation of jo. the jojo kind are comfortable with wearing properly fitted shirts and similar items of clothing, but the joey kind insist on wearing something they can curl up and cuddle in, hence the name. giant graphic (preferably fandom related, as most jos are major nerds) shirts, hoodies, and sweats are basically all they will wear, so the only formal thing you can expect to force them to wear would be hogwarts style robes.
ahhhh. an almost tangible memory making device. one of these will be on your jo’s person at any given moment, whether it’s a cutesy polaroid camera or a basic dslr, and they will take pictures of everything. everything. this should not be a problem until you find a picture of you snoring in high quality. kiss your dignity goodbye. probably invest in film cameras so you can have a break while the jo figures out how to use it and ends up getting distracted by instagram filters.
possibly one of the most important things on this list. in addition to being a lifesaver as you frantically call your jo so they can wake up and unlock the door to your house (which they accidentally conveniently locked you out of), it also serves as a homing device, mini ranting tool, and source of information that your jo will later spam you with. a necessity indeed. and preferably pick the ringtone before your jo finds the setting first.
except for a few stray jos, most need a source of constant music surrounding them in faux sanity. hence the four string wonder known as a ukulele. only don’t expect typical songs like riptide and can’t help falling in love— they WILL play the entire flight of the bumblebee in all parts if they have to dIe to do it.
this is literally a human need, but more so if you’re a jo and you’re insecure, sensory, and enjoy turning everyone into your personal real life teddy bear. jos will wince if they’re touched unfamiliarly though, so be nice to them, hugs are sacred and only given by those they trust.
long wooden staffs
if you would like to not pay a ton of galaxy units and also not worry about getting your hand sliced off, wooden staffs are a great alternative to lightsabers, and they can also pass as walking sticks, so your jo can tote their staff literally everywhere and swing it at will. this is especially useful in a hostage situation, when you need a distraction and your jo has no clue what’s happening. per usual.
a fairly simple thing to explain. simply purchase one of those ubersoft warmth squares, leave it around, wait for a jo to flock to it, wrap them up with the blanket, and go road tripping across america. this ONLY works with the blanket, no exceptions.
look, it’s either a fidget spinner or a prop knife, and let me tell you, if you knew the appalling tales involving prop knives, you’d WANT the fidget spinner.
speaking from experience of course.
so you know how cats have scratching posts, but usually end up in cardboard boxes?
it’s a similar concept.
DON’T EVEN QUESTION THIS. and don’t blink when your jo ends up accidentally snapping their iphone charger clean into two. again.
jos carry quite a lot with them. emotional baggage, mental stress, excessively confusing memes, and all of the aforementioned things in the starter pack. they are also very protective and proud of these carrying bags, so pick something that doesn’t break and has lots of pockets, because they can and will need it.
the last thing is not included in the starter pack, but it bears mentioning that if you have a jo, they, in turn, have you.
and in most cases, that’s really all they’ll need.
have fun taking care of your jo, and don’t get too flustered when they start taking care of you. they tend to carry that trait somehow. don’t ask why.
(but seriously, do Not leave them alone with any snacks because you will never see your skittles again.
~all i have to offer is myself, jo~