you asked for it (actually i think it was diamond who asked it but): how to write posts jo style, a step by step tutorial. because what the world needs right now is angsty walls of text with no capitalization and/or proper punctuation. that. makes sense
but alas, here we are.
how to write a jo-style post
step one: do nothing.
why so specific? who knows? a simple way to do nothing is to promise yourself that you’ll get all of your lit essays done before tuesday so you can watch the bway jackbox stream, then get distracted by clara’s instagram because her photography is literal gold, then obsessively hunt through rhi and charis’ blogs for good books to read, and then have a discussion about sexuality with your very conservative, very biblical, and very dorky brother, and finally, when you’ve absolutely spent the very last minute of any free time, b e h o l d. an idea springeth forth from the grave to haunt you.
however, you do not act upon it, you watch some edits of awae on youtube and start screeching at 3am in the morning. very important part of this step.
step two: let your emotions build up, and then dramatically begin to release them.
to build up emotions, start by never mentioning them to anyone ever if you can possibly help it, or on one supportive friend who is willing to suffer through your sensitive feeling nature (as shown in the above step.). listen to some random angsty music by people you don’t know and you’re basically going to start bursting with too many feelings you don’t know how to handle. wait til midnight, sit out on the porch, look up at the stars, ignore the bajillion bug bites your legs are being violated with, and cry for two minutes about how loki deserved better. at the end of that, by next year, you’ll be able to write that expressive trainwreck of thought onto paper.
step three: grab the nearest writing tool around and begin to formulate letters.
important thing to mention: do we actually write in the wordpress editor, which comes with lovely ways of formatting, designing, editing, adding pictures, and finally publishing?
this is an act of reason and common sense, which goes directly against the carefully built infrastructure of chaos and madness and burnt oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies created for the regular jo. no, instead, you find a coffee cup, a pen, and scribble your words on the side with no words. hopefully with no coffee in it either. if you abstain from caffeine, the text space to your ex, some ripped up checks stuffed in the fridge, your roommate’s open phone, or on the back of an envelope you sent to your cousin with a 5 year old letter in it dramatically saying that everyone on the earth should be passionate about being good, will do just as well. just be sure to burn the letter or erase it from the universe entirely.
step four: hyperfixate on your disaster work and run with the vibe.
this is where you do novel things like WRITING IN ALL CAPS or *putting asterisk actions* and adding,,, awkwardness,, with punctuation. or. marking the flat lines. with. just. periods. you know? you know? know?? hfikaghniauetkntiug oh oh and keyboard smashing and pAsSiVe-aGgReSsIvE capitalization patterns are added! for texture!
to add gravitas to your work,
make sure the important thing has its own line.
or column of lines.
and don’t forget the importance of references and all that jazz. shade a few people who quote their favorite bands in every single post because you don’t wanna be basic and say that navigating by stars is such a special line in a comment on a post about being brave cause it doesn’t quite… fit.
step five: like a proud frankenstein, release your creation into the world to be admired by all and spammed by bots.
it’s the year 2031, and you’ve finally gotten your post written! huzzah! whatever that means!
the final steps toward publishing are to steal– borrow an aesthetic picture from unsplash or pinterest or both, slap it onto the front, hit preview, find yourself saying “senge’ instead of “saga”, cry, fix it, decide you’re humourous enough, and then schedule it for the next morning. you will not remember that you did so, so when people start commenting you will be absolutely lost because you totally forgot that you did that, which you will then make up for by reading said post, cringing, and profusely thanking the 5 people who read it for not ghosting you entirely.
you repeat the process all over again.
~i know i talk too much, i’m abrasive, jo~