favorite discographies

it’s the month of writing. and death. and summer.

and music.

and thus, here we are.

(no i would never be able to take any of the following photos, creds to their site or to imdb)


Rob Simonsen Picture

rob simosen is cool. like, really cool. like life of pi and stargirl and love, simon and captive state cool. i first heard his work in gifted last year and it’s been a beautiful symphony of music since.

favorite recent listen: butterfly 1 (chu and blossom)

ryan o’neal, or as you all may know, sleeping at last, has been the composer of my childhood background music, summers, trauma, most of my life really. the work he’s done over the years is just really inspiring and mindblowing (a bunch of shows, films, and ads, atlas, the sleeping at last podcast, to name a few) and his covers and singles are just… hhh. amazing. i’ve been playing many beautiful things and atlas ii on repeat lately, it’s been great.

track that peeks into your soul: two

you should know who alexandre desplat is, he scored a few magical wizard kid films, and also little women. if you don’t, that’s okay, you’re probably familiar with a lot of his work through just classic cinema and maybe the academy awards. i find that interesting about certain artists; you learn to love their art before you even know who the artist is. it’s really fascinating.

best album to burn midnight hours to: probably little women, that’s a whole trip and a half.

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pinar toprak is a breathing genius, and i find it really sad that the film industry and its eager audience sleep on her work and the work of so many other female film composers. we pay a lot of due attention to john williams and hans zimmer, but toprak scored captain marvel, purl, stargirl, krypton, and a ton of other tracks that’s not being recognized nearly as much as it should, which seems off. anyway i just think she’s neat please check her out and go make hollywood actually try for once ty

track that will knock you into finishing that project: i’m all fired up, captain marvel

 Braille Focus / LeBrun S. Jackson Digital Artistry

tamar-kali has a really cool vibe with her work that i stumbled on listening to the spotify mixes at like, four am one time and it’s really entrancing and invigorating and just. ahh. really great get lost in your head music.

something vaguely different yet familiar: mudbound. like. all of it.

terence blanchard‘s sound in blackkklansmen was so chillingly fun, and harriet equaled if not beat that standard of musicality. i could easily get lost in those sounds for hours. a tale of God’s will and flow are some of my favorites. at this point i’m just geeking out about all of this but then i suppose i have good reason to.

the track that Will force you to stop and go “wow”: goodbye song, harriet

The Peanut Butter Falcon

this one was a collab and i don’t remember everyone by name, but this one is just,, so– idk what the world is, euphoria inducing? clara shared it a while ago and it’s quickly become one of my favorites and then i want to go watch the movie which leads to another rant nobody asked for so i’ll stop right there, but if you ever feel like wandering and being home at the same time, give this a listen.

the “i want” song you’d hear on the radio going to the lake and never being able to forget: running for so long (house a home)

is this a nerd thing to do? perhaps. but i can’t think of a new month or a new season or anything new and exciting without music, and well, these artists make amazing music. so. that’s that.

anyway okay that’s it byee

~time moves fast now, like tires on the road/but i don’t mind it, i always dreamed to go/the long nights over, and i’m starting to believe/i’m not as broken as some made me out to be, jo~

let me tell you now

It is the calm water
In the middle of an anxious sea
Where heavy clouds part and the sunrise starts
A fire in the deepest part of me
So I let go and in this moment I can breathe


Out of the woods, out of the dark
I’m well aware of the shadows in my heart
I want to feel tectonic shifts
I want to be, I want to be astonished
I want to be astonished
So I propose a toast
To fists unraveling, to glass unshattering
To breaking all the rules, to breaking bread again
We’re swallowing light, we’re swallowing our pride
We’re raising our glass, ’til we’re fixed from the inside
‘Til we’re fixed from the inside


In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now
I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around
In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you the truth
I’m everything that I am because of you


Don’t be scared, it’s alright
It’s a weight you are not meant to shoulder
But you bear so much light
And it’s brighter each day we get older
And I know that you’re broken too
But you are a sacrament
God has spoken through
He’s spoken through you


Go on, leave your worries, too
Not a bit of good they do
There’s a word that’s coming through
Go on, leave your worry, too
So I call your name in the middle of the night
I wanna know can you hear my cries?
June heat and moonlight
I wanna follow you
Said I wanna follow you


Can’t you see older brother
A life spent learning to walk
Finally starting to run
You have been vindicated
You had the answer all along
I can see it now
Your journey will inspire many other
Sisters and brothers
Hold on
Vincent
You’ve carried me more than you’ll ever know


i compiled this for my sister, but since this month is supposed to have father’s day or whenever that is, i thought i’d leave this here for everyone whose father figure isn’t stereotypical, or even has one.

~i can see it, a new horizon, jo~

finish the song – letter writer

I wish I could just write all this in a letter to you. I feel like if letter-writing were still allowed then I would still have a way to legitimately talk to you, not just these conversations I have...

ay

we’re back at this again.

not really sure where it came from, but here’s letter writer.

uh

enjoy


dear God let’s have a conversation
i’m just tired of waiting for an invitation
there’s been more thorns than colorful carnations
did you have a plan or was that just my imagination

dear God where are you supposed to be
are you only over the oceans or do you rule the seas
because i’m slowly drowning and it isn’t even deep
but would you believe that i feel like i’m free

yeah, the world is burning did you have a clue, have a clue
we’re all hurting and no one knew, no one knew
is this a tunnel we’re supposed to walk through
so tell me, how the hell, am i supposed to trust you?

forgive the cursing, sometimes i’m inclined
to bring out the sin and my much needed pride
that isn’t holy i realize
but that’s a situation in which you thrive, right?

you’re aware of the growing mess
pick out my flaws and i’ll burn the rest
something tells me though that you know best
who am i to argue when you created this


do i know where that came from? nah

do i hope it meant something worthwhile? yeah

is that really all i can say about this? pretty much

~with shortness of breath, i’ll explain the infinite, jo~

rose and jo take on the playlist swap

r e a d i n s i t e t y

We should do a playlist collab
Like Enni

yes yes

and that’s your intro folks.


Songs for Jo:

  1. used to you-mxmtoon 

I discovered mxmtoon last year and I’ve gotten Jo to listen to a few of her songs, because I think they’ll really relate to them. I know I for sure can. Personally, I’m obsessed with the intro to this song and I think it’s overall super cute and soft and relatable and ah. I love it. So so much. 

help help help help it’s soft and pure and safe and almost lullaby-ish? i love it. the ending and the beginning were almost ethereal in a playful sort of way. i’d listen to that on a midnight playlist on repeat for ages.

  1. hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have-but I have it-Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey has a super unique voice/vocal style which *smol disclaimer* is not for everyone. I picked this one because Jo said something on their livestream (go listen to it) which reminded me of the chorus. The storyline is interesting and it gives off musical vibes. And Jo loves musicals. So overall, this is a great song for that. Smol disclaimer to anyone else who might want to listen to this: it’s explicit, so please be mindful of that. 

wow. the lyrics in this are so real. the harmonies and echoes in here are beautiful, and just everything in this. goodness. it really sings like a bittersweet ballad. i’d absolutely listen to this again. it’s almost a journal entry that everyone’s written at one point in their lives. 

  1. 400 Lux-Lorde

Lorde is a newer favorite artist of mine, but I remain obsessed. I love the background vocal part of the chorus (I don’t know how else to describe it). It makes the song so incredible. I’ve been listening to it constantly because it (I guess) reminds me of young love and human interaction, which are, at least where I live, harder to come by.  It’s very YA contemporary/teen movie which are things Jo loves. I almost cried when I first heard it because of how beautiful it is. 

the synth! i like it already. lorde’s voice is oddly soothing, and all the different textures in this song is so fascinating. absolutely a bop. honestly all of these picks feels like someone peeked into my mind and turned them into songs. i’m really loving the ya vibe and the funky emo sounds.

  1. Colors-Halsey

Okay I’ve heard this song once but all the color metaphors? Everything is blue? Everything is gray? It has been stuck in my head since I heard it and I need to ensure it’s stuck in someone else’s head too. The songwriting is really beautiful and it’s amazing how much emotion is conveyed. It’s one of those sadder songs that sound happy, so yeah. Enjoy.

rage pop? we stan. the wanderlustyoungadultsondering vibes are really strong with this. also i love how bold the lyrics are— and the siren sounds in the background? that sounds like something finneas would do *looks it up* doesn’t look like he did, but the sounds in this mix so beautifully. and the colors are too accurate help. 

  1. Style-Taylor Swift

No song rec list I make can exist without me mentioning my brand. Taylor Swift. I recently found out I was sleeping on this incredible amazing song that will (sorry) never go out of style. It’s so upbeat. It’s so classy. It is the perfect pop song and it deserves an honorary Grammy for being so incredibly amazing. 

help i’m bobbing my head so hard. rose always picks the best recs. this song just feels all the feels, and taylor’s lyrics??? are??? too relatable despite never actually being in the situation she sings about? also the drums are great here. i could listen to this for a while and not get tired. watch me dance in line at the airport to this a month from now. 

my favorite: 400 Lux


Songs for Rose:

  1. The Starry Night – Starry Musical

i’ve been listening to this album on repeat for weeks, and i think rose would like this because– where to even begin? it (and the whole album) is based on the story of vincent van gogh and his hopes and dreams and struggle. everytime i listen to it there’s this small yearning for something i don’t even know, and i’d hope it’d be the same for rose.

I was really hoping Jo’d put something from Starry on here. I’ve been meaning to take a listen, so this is the perfect excuse. Okay wow. Um. That was beautiful. The lyricism? Amazing. I totally see what Jo means about the yearning feeling and I am now going to drop everything and obsess over this musical. I love the softness about it and the self discovery. 

  1. I’m Not Here – Me + T

i listened to this one obsessively since the movie came out a year ago, and it’s the perfect mix of sad and hopeful that you play on repeat in your room, alone at night when nobody’s there for you. probably couldn’t have coped if i wasn’t listening to this 24/7.

Why is Jo doing this to me? Too many feelings, I cannot cope. This is certainly the type of sad song I like. So quiet and heartfelt. There is so much depth to the song. Immediately adding this to my list of songs that make me cry, so I cannot listen to them properly. And the harmonies?! *Sobs softly*

  1. Rain – Ben Platt

ben platt is one of my favorite artists, and this song really defined my summer. it’s poppy and upbeat and kinda forces you to dance and breathe and try to live despite all the fears and worries. it’s what i wish i could say to the people who meant the most to me. 

This could easily be on the soundtrack to a Disney Channel show. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the production or the voice (In general I’m not the biggest fan of male singing voices) but the lyrics and beat were super cool. 

4. Armor – Sara Bareilles

one of the things rose and i have connected over is female empowerment, and this song embodies that in such a raw, rough, real, radiant way (yes i used alliteration. fight me.) it honors the women who have gone before, the women of now, and the women of the future, and i can’t think of anything quite as inspiring. 

Um wow. Her voice is so raw? I love the unique production and the message and the lyrics and wow I love this. How did I not know about this song before? The empowerment? The feminism vibes? The sense of community? Completely in love with this. 

  1. mother tongue – liana flores

this song kinda puts the feeling of cultural dysphoria to words, and it’s something that i’ve lived with for so long, growing up in 3 cultures and learning everything and nothing from them, and i think it’s something everyone can relate to regardless of whether they were immigrants or not. so i hope i’m right. 🙂

Is this indie ukulele music?! Yes my other brand. The whole song is super cool and echoey. I could relate to this one a lot. As someone who has a lot of strained family relationships and a sense of never belonging culturally to anywhere, I really felt it. I can’t wait to listen to more of Liana’s music because I know I’ll really like it. 

My favorite: mother tongue


you may have noticed that this theme of trading playlists isn’t original with us. and you’d be absolutely right. emily & joy, kenechi & sarah, clara & megan, and most recently enni & diamond have all done collabs like this, so go check them out if you’re looking for music to listen to. or you could drop your favorite recs like we did, which would be equally worthwhile.

in the meantime, i’ll be playing lorde on repeat this week and probably spamming rose with how much i regret not listening to taylor swift sooner, as you do.

~so dance along to the beat in your heart, rose & jo~

shut up and listen

Chelsea Peretti Music GIF - ChelseaPeretti Music ...
jo talks about movie soundtracks very personally because they have no life

gifted is the frubs. it’s both gentle and calm with little twinkling sounds while having intense cinematic crescendos mixed with intellect and thoughtful discussions, a bit of sadness and a lot of pain, a lot of wishful thinking and peace and war all wrapped up in the story of two unlikely people who become family. it sounds and feels just like him, and i regret not telling him that on the long drives between campus and walmart, where he’d inevitably ask me if the guy at the library talked to me and i’d whack him with an empty candy bar wrapper.

ladybird is the one and only tess. it captures jaunty, fun, good-to-be-alive vibes with bittersweet, heartaching tunes to what growing up and having to deal with so much of the world’s nonsense on top of personal angst is like. it’s classic at times, punk rock at others, lofi and hifi and screaming and quiet, an ever changing entity that exists with its character. it’s the muted backdrop to a vivid life, it’s messy in a beautiful way, it’s tess and i hope her narrative proves to be richer and fuller than anyone can try to imagine with songs from another character’s life.

many beautiful things is bun, little whispers from past dreams, continuous rippling piano that invites peace. when you close your eyes you see a small cafe almost completely covered in ivy on the far side of town, “we’re open!” sign hanging on the freshly painted door, chairs neatly arranged, old classics lying around like friends waiting to be picked up. someone spins their hair into a knot, sipping a little latte as they lose themselves in another book. it’s full of both eagerness and tired smiles, sacred worship and playful dancing, singing of a better time that’s bound to come soon, if at all. it’s the little known story of the woman who will not be silenced, and it’s amazing.

the little prince is enni, so many thoughts being woven together, seeking an order to all of the ideas and hopes and dreams, all of the goals and attempts and dedication. it’s fun, it’s studious, it presents an ebb and flow to unbridled creativity and thinking, and it’s something you start listening to out of curiousity and end up staying to pay attention to, because the story it has to tell is so deep and full and demands an audience to its developing message. it speaks of a person who isn’t afraid to think, but shares those special, wild thoughts to just the few who understand enough to appreciate. i’m grateful to be a witness to enni’s mind, and i can just imagine how far it’ll take her.

inside out is rebekah, and the variety of moods in it just adds to the complicated beauty of growing up. it’s swirly and varied and full of a bubbling, shimmery sound that speaks to the existence of beauty in the world, an invitation to explore life and the workings behind it. it’s playful, it’s childlike, it’s invigorating, it’s serious, it’s sad, it’s somber. i hope the spark of being a kid and doing silly little things never dies, rebs, and i just know that your grasp on life will reach heights i can only hope to watch in awe.

as for everyone reading this now,

bring on the monsters seems to fit pretty accurately to all of the current chaos

anyway this was fun. i might do it again.

🙂

~cause we’re usually about to die, jo~

basic starter pack to take care of one kangaroo child

so.

you have, in your possession, a living, breathing, reality altering jo. who this jo may be does not matter, as long as they bear the characteristics and mannerisms of a jo. (see list of jos for more information.)

how you got said jo is ambiguous at best— maybe they were shipped over to your place without asking, or they somehow ended up traveling through space and time to your front door, or you picked one up at your local thrift store and thought it would make interesting decor. who knows at this point. bun wanted a jo and got them 11 years late, so if you happen to place an order for a jo, expect a rather lengthy shipping time, and a rather slow working jo in general. if you’re lucky, you can speed up the operation system of a jo with sugar, but only if you’re prepared to deal with a high, hyper, and very, very hysterical jo.

there are no easy ways here. you’re stuck.

naturally, you have to ask yourself the hard questions, like “why did curt just leave owen” and “why are there so many zoom memes when zoom has a two star app rating” and “what makes up a jo’s existence“ and “why am i even reading this”, in which case i strongly recommend contemplating your existence.

having had to deal with myself for the past who knows how long, i have complied the Starter Pack of Jo Things, in case you find yourself in need of it or with a jo.

in all cases, i feel for you.

aHeM

fruit gummies

your jo of choice is either suffering from a high metabolism or mild hypoglycemia. this means they either eat too much when they shouldn’t or eat too little when they really should or both, in the rarest case. for this we recommend preparing a snack budget and an intricate knowledge of where the discount gummies are in the grocery store. we do NOT recommend eating said snacks yourself, otherwise you’ll have to buy them all over again to keep your jo from fainting. (frubs learned that the hard way.) if successfully won, you can convince your jo to do various things in exchange for the sucrose, except probably wear pink.

noise cancelling headphones

most jos tend to either have very wonky senses or just do not like people and interaction, period. that’s where the headphones come in. merely place the device on your jo’s head and connect it to a steady playlist of calm music. (emphasis on calm. the day this jo made the mistake of playing hamilton on campus they were met with strange looks.) because of the inner isolation from society, your jo will mostly likely bob their head or tap their feet. it may look adorable, but it will never last long enough for a picture, so don’t even try.

big tshirts

this truly depends on the variation of jo. the jojo kind are comfortable with wearing properly fitted shirts and similar items of clothing, but the joey kind insist on wearing something they can curl up and cuddle in, hence the name. giant graphic (preferably fandom related, as most jos are major nerds) shirts, hoodies, and sweats are basically all they will wear, so the only formal thing you can expect to force them to wear would be hogwarts style robes.

camera

ahhhh. an almost tangible memory making device. one of these will be on your jo’s person at any given moment, whether it’s a cutesy polaroid camera or a basic dslr, and they will take pictures of everything. everything. this should not be a problem until you find a picture of you snoring in high quality. kiss your dignity goodbye. probably invest in film cameras so you can have a break while the jo figures out how to use it and ends up getting distracted by instagram filters.

phone

possibly one of the most important things on this list. in addition to being a lifesaver as you frantically call your jo so they can wake up and unlock the door to your house (which they accidentally conveniently locked you out of), it also serves as a homing device, mini ranting tool, and source of information that your jo will later spam you with. a necessity indeed. and preferably pick the ringtone before your jo finds the setting first.

ukulele

except for a few stray jos, most need a source of constant music surrounding them in faux sanity. hence the four string wonder known as a ukulele. only don’t expect typical songs like riptide and can’t help falling in love— they WILL play the entire flight of the bumblebee in all parts if they have to dIe to do it.

warm hugs

this is literally a human need, but more so if you’re a jo and you’re insecure, sensory, and enjoy turning everyone into your personal real life teddy bear. jos will wince if they’re touched unfamiliarly though, so be nice to them, hugs are sacred and only given by those they trust.

long wooden staffs

if you would like to not pay a ton of galaxy units and also not worry about getting your hand sliced off, wooden staffs are a great alternative to lightsabers, and they can also pass as walking sticks, so your jo can tote their staff literally everywhere and swing it at will. this is especially useful in a hostage situation, when you need a distraction and your jo has no clue what’s happening. per usual.

fluffy blankets

a fairly simple thing to explain. simply purchase one of those ubersoft warmth squares, leave it around, wait for a jo to flock to it, wrap them up with the blanket, and go road tripping across america. this ONLY works with the blanket, no exceptions.

sensory toys

look, it’s either a fidget spinner or a prop knife, and let me tell you, if you knew the appalling tales involving prop knives, you’d WANT the fidget spinner.

speaking from experience of course.

kitchen tables

so you know how cats have scratching posts, but usually end up in cardboard boxes?

well.

it’s a similar concept.

charger

DON’T EVEN QUESTION THIS. and don’t blink when your jo ends up accidentally snapping their iphone charger clean into two. again.

mini backpack

jos carry quite a lot with them. emotional baggage, mental stress, excessively confusing memes, and all of the aforementioned things in the starter pack. they are also very protective and proud of these carrying bags, so pick something that doesn’t break and has lots of pockets, because they can and will need it.

~

the last thing is not included in the starter pack, but it bears mentioning that if you have a jo, they, in turn, have you.

and in most cases, that’s really all they’ll need.

have fun taking care of your jo, and don’t get too flustered when they start taking care of you. they tend to carry that trait somehow. don’t ask why.

(but seriously, do Not leave them alone with any snacks because you will never see your skittles again.

never.)

~all i have to offer is myself, jo~

sometimes i don’t know what to say (can you imagine that)

Image result for waving gif
listen sometimes featured images are so boring

hey, what up?

if you say the ceiling i swear to asgard you will be met with the power of a thousand capri suns.

fear meeeeeee

but yeah, so there’s not much from my corner of the world today. that’s not to say that i’ve run out of ideas or thoughts or chaotic plans to take over kansas, but it is saying that i just… don’t have the words.

it’s saturday (no jo it’s whatever day this gets posted you ninny), okay? my uncle forced me to go interact with humans at the local fiesta and i skinned my favorite hand and knee on the bike but the music was a bop and then the tiny scrappy neighbor girl down the street came over and stole my phone and then my friend came over and we rewatched the trailer to high school musical the musical the series and she rode a bike for the first time and nobody saw it on this long, quiet street except a jo and a jin jin and an outdated phone, and then we found out the cat ate the last of the chocolate.

life is life. and sometimes i want to let it be.

i don’t know how to express that, because when i do *gestures to all of this* this.. whatever this is, i tend to accidentally stir up something.

so i don’t know how to let things be.

but here’s a song or two, and maybe we can have a small fiesta of our own, in which we quietly jam to music because we don’t wanna disturb the neighbors, and someone brought the good storebrand of cookies.

🙂

don’t shy away from the rainbow, this song was written for everyone, regardless of who they are

There’s something wrong in the village In the village, oh

They stare in the village

In the village, oh

There’s nothing wrong with you

It’s true, it’s true

There’s something wrong with the village

With the village

There’s something wrong with the village

I know you miss the world, the one you knew

The one where everything made sense

Because you didn’t know the truth, that’s how it works

‘Til the bottom drops out and you learn

We’re all just hunters seeking solid ground

this is NOT 2000s this is 2020 lighten up

If I could go back and change the past, be a little braver than I had and bet against the odds, would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams, would there still be something I’m missing, If I had everything, would it mean anything to me?

okay listen “have my moms talk to her mom” is absolutely chaotic and a total mood

I wish these streets were still enough for me

I wish this town could give me everything

But I still feel stopped while every light turns green

Why can’t I let it go?

You are here

On the start of a moment

On the edge of the world where the river meets the sea

Here on the edge of the Atlantic

On an island in between there and here

gracie m you know you’re awesome right

Overconfident

We could use a little bit of common sense

We jumped in the river at 2 am

Just to prove that we could

honestly this has given me so much during the waits at the airports

There’s something in the way I wanna cry

That makes me think we’ll make it out alive

So come on and show me how we’re good

I think that we could do some good, mhm

my cousin (I have a lot of cousins) had this on her phone during hurricane ursula and it’s the best accident ever

Time flies by in the yellow and green

Stick around and you’ll see what I mean

There’s a mountain top that I’m dreaming of

If you need me, you know where I’ll be

And if the sun’s upset and the sky goes cold

Then if the clouds get heavy and start to fall

I really need somebody to call my own

I wanna be somebody to someone

because i miss hanging out

so favorite song? recent book? *cough recent fanfiction yeah i know you were stalking archive of our own you little geek* best thing today? what you hope for this month? secret plan to get disney plus to accidentally release their marvel shows on mainstream tv?

also new rule that you have to come back to this post and comment on someone else’s comment because i am like my uncle and require human interaction from you 🙂

be friendly folks, it’s a cold world out there.

~or call me maybe, cause i kinda love that song, jo~

list

list

featuring me trying to organize my thoughts for the world to see and miserably failing. pick and choose which ones are least cringey and enjoy.

*thumbs up*

movies

-jojo rabbit (which sounds absolutely insane but also kinda lowkey amazing and taika watiti directed it and it’s amazing)

-yellow rose (oh sweet mercy it’s getting spread everywhere represent *clap clap clap*)

-black widow (excuse me while i go shriek)

-soul (pixar what you doing)

-onward (!!!!)

-frozen 2 (yes, laugh but see that was one of the first movies i can remember actively watching with my sister and i miss my sister so there)

-toy story 4 (had too many messy plot twists but it teared me up more than once and by the time the credits rolled our plane landed in the philippines so it was kinda like literally saying goodbye to the past)

-new star wars movie (*eternal internal screaming*)

-listen yes tito i know endgame was a mess and time travel was a cop-out but as a content creator it gives me a lot of stuff to work with so it’s not entirely terrible

books

-keeper of the lost cities: legacy (chloe got me into keeper of the lost cities and i’m a little scared, not gonna lie)

-supernova (i’ve seen it in ig posts along with fawkes??? is it good? someone tell me please i beg you)

-black widow prelude comic (scared, very scared, extremely scared)

-captain america the first avenger script (i need this for personal reasons)

-this really good fanfic that i won’t link here to protect the youngs (i am this close to writing a post about fandom even though it’s been done and even though it’s obscure much like myself)

-andrew peterson wrote a new book and i really, really wanna read it

people

-i killed a spider with a flip flop all by myselfses and now i miss frubs because he used to do it

-me and weez are doing a really cool thing that would probably be more cool if timezones didn’t exist

-bible bee nationals are in a few days and i has a bunch of friends going (rebcake, light4thelord) and again, more screaming

-clara’s sunset fall instagram stories are making me cry with nostalgia that i don’t have

-maggie started a new blog and she deserves a call out because way to go girl ❤

-also i could link them but for some reason i’m not, hmm

-tess is probably the only reason why i’m still trying to finish my nano wip

-christi and hannah’s poetry both have this special way of hitting close to to home (i’ll willingly link in comments if you want, they’re both amazing people with beautiful thoughts)

-i’m pretty sure i was supposed to do a blog tour?? (really sorry kellyn, i’m working on it) and another one with tales of the lonely sun (more specifically merie) and just shucks it’s pretty cool

-enni spammed my inbox/chatthing/whatever with like, 350 messages and to this day i will never understand why

-i really really need keith’s help with worldbuilding because i’m clueless about stuff like fantasy

-garrett’s photography. uhm. WOAH.

-sarah’s art is mindblowing and i’m scared of her talent but also just in awe

-in this household we love and support emmie, who is doing great with the whole school AND dance thing and so much more

-ava come mourn with me about all four fingers being used on the uke it’s terrible

-abby does dead mom from beetlejuice make you cry too because i’m crying

-chloe i’m this close to asking you to spoil legacy for me and also i’m crying just thinking of aren ya can’t leave me hAnGiNg-

music

-my uncle said the beetles were the greatest and i bEg tO dIffEr

-he also said that ben rector was not bad but could be better excuse me

-MALINDA is just. *shrieks* really relatable and her vocal tone is just beautiful

-dodiedodiedodiedodie

-clara got me back into the lumineers and their music kinda reminds me of small towns and tiny houses and small roads and basically one of my homes

-because it’s christmas music season i’ll be blasting his story the musical’s “hey, it’s me,” “arrive”, and “was the word” til at least january, thank you very much. (THEY MIGHT BE ON BROADWAY AND THAT GIVES ME HOPE)

-been playing with a soundtrack for another idea i’ve been working on and i regret not being a composer

-beetlejuice. just. *mindblown* (yes, it does have issues but the themes are pretty great for all the spooks)

-beautiful people by pomplamoose

-pomplamoose

-the guy that worked on the winter soldier soundtrack is supposed to work on black widow???? i can die in peace now the world has peaked

-the sounds of like, 40 kids singing your grace is enough on a sunday morning is so deeply beautiful

writing

-good grief i have zero romantical attractions or any intent to have any so why am i writing a whole book about it

-there are too many ideas in my brain and i’m pretty sure it’s not healthly to try to things at the same time

-i feel compelled to write this lengthy fanfic and a blog post about it because that’s so relevant (i’m being sarcastic)

-there is squealing, fangeek, love-every-line-of-every-paragraph, overall enchanted with a story jo and there’s critical, analyzing, philosophizing, will re-read a scene to break down every individual component of a character jo and there is no in between

-i have done more writing research than i have writing at this point

file not found randomness

-ok boomer is a thing and i really wanna write a discourse about it because on one hand, is it fair to dismiss an entire generation based on their conflicting thoughts? no. have many of said generation abused and made fun of younger generations, leaving behind a crueler world to survive in and mocking steps to make the world softer? yes. is it kinda funny? yup. do i need to get a life? absolutely.

-DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, HOLD A UKE BY ITS STRINGS ARE YOU DAFT OR DO YOU LIKE TORTURING ME

-vietnam war research time, one for school, two for aio lore, which says that whit’s son jerry died in the vietnam war (which must mean that focus on the family portrays it as a good thing), three for everyone who protested it

-and call me crazy but maybe it’s okay to look up these old, random, truly not that important stuff for. y’know. for research

-it’s kinda funny but also kinda confusing how some christians will be especially o_0 if you say “hey, i like studying the bible for fun!” and they’re like “IMPOSSIBLE” because on one hand, yes, the bible is sacred and should be treated as such, but on the other, God meant this book to lead us to actual joy? and? like? why would you not find joy in studying it? someone elucidate?

yeah, like that was any clearer than when i started.

i dunno that it’s beneficial to present these thoughts, raw, and unfiltered, incomplete and personal. i really don’t. maybe they just raise questions about the integrity of my mind (read: none) and maybe they just turn people off.

but i read somewhere that we develop as a society, not merely by sharing tangible matters, but by sharing the thoughts of our mind (it was about nasa releasing articles you usually find when you pay for scientific journals and i was pretty stoked even though i had no clue what the what any of it was about) so, if you got anything from this random thrift store of thoughts, feel free to take it home.

and hey, if you wanna feel like unloading your mind, that would be cool. i’ll add it to the list.

🙂

~and i know, it’s only in my mind, jo~

to little grey music player

to little grey music player.png

i remember the day i got you, because we were about to leave california and joab really really really wanted a music player because he always liked tech and you were 30 dollars and it was a deal and i guess technically you were my brother’s.

you came with and switched through so many genres, klove and christian rock and metal and i’m sorry for all the different identities.

joab didn’t want you anymore, then, but i did. i guess i was always good at saving junk and turning it into treasure.

you were kinda like a security blanket, little grey music player, the way you never failed to be there. during my happiest days, my worst moments, the days i wanted to die and the nights i thought i could live forever. you were a very steady piece of metal. i loved you, little music player.

i’m so sorry i lost you in the mall waiting for official important business to be over. i coulda sworn you were in my pocket, but i guess i’d be swearing wrong. i’m really good at losing the stuff i love, you see.

i hope nobody chucks you in the trash, tiny guy. i hope whoever picked you up didn’t grimace at the musicals and dodie and nf and owl city that filled you up. i hope you were turned on, with special care, your ben platt playlist carefully listened to. i hope someone finds a charger for you, and takes good care, and loves you just as much as i did. i’m sorry i didn’t love you enough to notice you gone til it was too late.

it feels silly, little player, writing to something that never breathed. but you were part of me for so long, and i tend to remember the things that made my life beautiful- or their absence, more like.

have fun, little player. don’t get picked up by an adult. they never see the magic of things that are lost. find a little kid. they’ll take care of you.

and maybe, through listening to the music that made me, they’ll find themselves too. wouldn’t that be nice, grey music player?

see you later, little guy. i really loved you so.

~take all the chances you can, it’s alright, jo~

don’t put salt in your coffee, or, sometimes i’m selfish and need to rant and sometimes it’s for one person and sometimes i make no sense

Espresso dripping into a porcelain mug from a steel machine

*also i’m putting in unsplash pictures that remind me of you because i’m weird like that*

hey bun bun.

do you remember when you had a sleepover with the girls at church and it was the first night i can remember where you weren’t there and i was so miserable i cried for the whole night?

okay, i was like, five, but it was still traumatic.

"Holden, we need to go!" Zara shouted, stepping backwards, eyes glued to the wave of mindless soldiers marching towards them. If they ran now, only two of them would make it out alive. Fletcher clutched at his side, desperately trying to slow the blood flow, as he staggered down the street. "Go-" He weakly moaned, his legs beginning to wobble. He wouldn't make it much farther, Zara knew that, but Holden was too stubborn to let him go.

or that time you went away to camp and i had to spend three whole days without you? three? i think i watched like, 3 movies straight to try to forget the fact that you weren’t there, you weren’t there to be with me and talk and laugh and do all of the things we used to. (and that’s selfish, but it’s true.)

i don’t know how i thought those things were terrible, because then you moved to the states for college and it was quite literally the end of the world. i mean, you came back for christmas and summer until life happened and you moved to the states permanently, but man, it hurt.

purple-petaled flower

and, y’know, life happened and it happened and we grew a bit and we changed and you got married and i wrote a book that will never be published and we had to do it all together and apart all at once and there were late night talks huddled together on a bed talking about everything from calvinism to stories the the dreams that haunted us both and then suddenly you were a face on a screen that i couldn’t touch, but it was okay because it was you and i was going to see you soon,

and,

i did and it was the best 2 months i had in a long time and it was safe and you were there and it was beautiful and even if we were both changing we were still sisters and there was nothing that could cahnge that fact and-

and then i had to move back. more like forced to because of, well, life.

which… which was even more traumatizing then the sleepover.

and we could text and talk and it was still normal, still okay, still safe, still hopeful.

two woman jumping on the street during daytime

until suddenly i’m in a different timezone, on an island thousand of miles from you and you see the sun when i see the moon and i don’t know how to process anything internally or externally and i don’t even know that i’ll see you in person in who knows how long– i don’t know.

drat, i’m crying now.

it probably doesn’t help that i’m listening to your playlist.

ugh, emotions.

shallow focus photography of musical note book

and it’s saturday for me, and i kinda really just want to be banging on your tiny cottage door, making fun of frubby, claiming the rest of the fruit gummies, working on stuff with you and excitedly looking up future courses.

and it hurts that i have done that, and i’ll get to do that, but i can’t do that now.

it’s weird about us humans. we want the now. we want the here. we want what we want and when we don’t get it, we feel this strange thing called sadness.

and in that way, i’m really selfish.

parked police

you’re like the nani to my lilo, even though we both agree stitch is my spirit animal. (wait, did we O_O) you’re an anchor point that i can return to, a safe place that i can fall back on any time and i just. i don’t know anything. i don’t know what this time will entail. i don’t know what’s going to happen. i don’t know what to do or how to do it, i don’t know how to block the noise that screams in my head, i don’t know where to put the thoughts that invade my mind, and i don’t know how to do any of that without you.

and i’m here and you’re there and i really, really miss you.

woman standing near brown wooden cabinet

but…

but then maybe i’m five again and the sleepover is terrible. but that’s not the end of the story.

i feel like you would tell me that one day, we’re going to look back and see why God did everything the way He did. that all we can do is just keep doing and trust and it will be okay and that we’re together even though we’re apart.

but right now, ate,

i really

photo of person walking on road surrounded by trees during noontime

really

miss you.

and i wish we took more pictures and had more late night laughing and coffee dates and those little dumb things that mean everything and just

two women hugging each other

i miss you

a lot.

and i sure hope you’re not reading this because that would be really awkward. but also that’s not new. so.

i love you bun bun.

always will.

don’t put salt in your coffee.

selective focus photography of grumpy face toddler sitting on plaid pad taken during daytime

~you are my sunshine, jo~